Always By Your Side
by Gildaurel
Summary: Stefen's perspective during his time in the kyree caverns with Vanyel. Graphic. All characters belong to Mercedes Lackey. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Stefen stirred restlessly in his bed, hearing water trickle somewhere distant in the caverns. _I can't sleep_, he thought sourly, throwing off his blankets to pace around the room. Then came the other, inevitable thought, constant to every waking hour:

_I want Van._

He sat down on his bed, frustrated, pulling his hair with both hands.

_I need Van._

Plop. The trickle continued, as if the Gods themselves were conspiring to drive him slowly mad. He stood up again and left his room to wander the caverns. Unwittingly, his feet led him to Yfandes' sleeping chamber. Soft, thick moss indigenous to this Northern part of Valdemar covered the floor.

Kneeling, he pressed his head gently to her neck and began to weep quietly into the white silk of her mane. She opened one blue eye full of sympathy. Nuzzling him with her soft nose, she whickered and curled around him.

Hours later, he woke to Vanyel staring down at him with the first hint of a smile he'd worn in—_weeks. Before Rendan and his ilk._

"I've never seen Yfandes let anyone else sleep with her," Vanyel mused. Pausing, he continued, "Although, I've never known anyone else to _want_ to sleep with her."

Stefen laughed weakly and rubbed red eyes to look up at the Herald. _I must look a mess, _he thought, plucking bits of moss out of his hair.

"Care to join me for breakfast?" he asked hopefully.

Vanyel's face closed and the faint smile fled. "Actually, Stefen, I thought I'd spend some time alone with 'Fandes."

"All right. Well—if you change your mind…" he reached out to touch Vanyel's hand and stopped when the Herald flinched involuntarily. Sighing inaudibly, he turned to leave.

Vanyel made a strangled noise behind him. Slowly, Stefen turned.

His face wore a pained expression. "I'm sorry, Stef.—I can't help it, I'm twisted, inside—" breaking off, he buried his face in his hands.

"I know, Van. I understand that you need space," Stefen said, favoring him with a sweet smile. "I love you still, no matter what. I'm always here for you."

Vanyel leaned into Yfandes, blinking back tears, "Thank you, _ashke_."

The word sent shivers down Stefen's spine; Vanyel hadn't called him that since the bandits. _Progress, _he thought. _Enough for today._


	2. Chapter 2

Five nights later, Stefen sat awake again, staring into the darkness. He'd heard Vanyel cry out in his sleep; the echoes rang through the cavern walls. He was torn. _Should I go to him? What if he rebuffs me? Gods, I wish I could help him. I feel useless, worse than useless, like I'm only making things worse. Am I reminding him of those monsters because I found him? What if—_

A soft cough broke into his thoughts. He looked up to see Vanyel standing uncertainly in the entrance to his chamber.

"I had a nightmare," he said softly, inching closer to the bed.

Stefen slowly moved over to make a space for Vanyel beside him. "Come here _Vanyel-ashke_," he said quietly.

And—small miracle—Vanyel did, falling into Stefen's arms to sob quietly.

"Shh," Stefen stroked his hair gently. "Let it out."

After a bit the sobs quieted and Vanyel's shoulders stopped shaking. The words began to tumble out, a jumbled mess that somehow reminded Stefen of a moment long ago- _the ice dream_, he thought briefly, then shook the irrelevant thought. "It was horrible, Stef—they used me, one after the other, and I was aware, there, but I couldn't move… it _hurt_, so badly, hurt and twisted everything I've ever known of love." He pulled back to face Stefen. "Everything you and 'Lendel showed me."

With one hand, Vanyel gently and wonderingly traced the line of Stefen's jaw. "And I do love you, so much, I just couldn't be with you and not think of the things they did."

_Do I dare?_ Stefen thought, pained by Vanyel's words but sensing his need for comfort. _I think he wants me to—_ He leaned in to gently place a kiss on Vanyel's lips. Vanyel responded, opening his mouth under Stefen's, exploring his mouth slowly, so slowly.

They lay there kissing each other tenderly for hours until Vanyel fell asleep clasped tightly in Stefen's arms.

When Stefen finally awoke, Vanyel was still sleeping, snuggled up to Stefen's chest with their legs intertwined. Smiling, Stefen disengaged one arm to stretch a bit.

Slowly, Vanyel's eyes opened and shined silver up at him. "Good morning, ashke," he said, wrapping his arm back around Vanyel.

"Mmph," Vanyel replied. "Forgot how comfortable you are."

He laughed. "A bit bony, no?"

Vanyel shook his head vigorously against Stefen's chest. "No. Warm. Soft." Gradually, he disentangled himself from the Bard's body to stand up and stretch.

Stefen took a moment to admire his graceful frame, healthier since arriving in the kyree caverns, leanly muscled and powerful.

With a humorous look in his eye, Vanyel said, "And what are you looking at?"

"The man I love," Stefen replied, standing up to kiss Vanyel's mouth. Stepping back, he smiled. "Now how about that breakfast?"


	3. Chapter 3

After that, Vanyel slept with him every night. Chastely. And Stefen was happy, if not entirely fulfilled. Soon, Vanyel stopped having nightmares and began to smile more. The kisses grew more intimate. And one day, after a late session of magical exercises with the kyree shaman, Vanyel sought his company alone in the hot springs. Taking off his clothes, Vanyel eased into the pool, safely on the other side.

Stefen raised an eyebrow. "You're done with spellcasting early."

"We may have found something," Vanyel said, closing his eyes with a sigh. "We'll know tomorrow evening."

"I wish I could help more—" Stefen started to offer, then laughed. "Actually, it's nice to avoid the blinding headaches you have most nights."

Vanyel smiled and opened one eye. "But you're so good at taking care of them. Those magical hands of yours—" he hesitated.

_Was that flirting?_

"A Bard's trademark," Stefen replied, gently trailing one in the water around him. "Useful in all sorts of situations." He waggled his eyebrows in an exaggeratedly suggestive manner and Vanyel laughed.

"Yes, especially when combined with such subtle charm!"

With a dry chuckle, Stefen replied, "I don't think I've ever been subtle, Van. That honor belongs to you."

Vanyel's face sobered. "Does it? I suppose so. I'm not always clear, am I?" He moved closer to Stefen in the pool. The Bard felt his face growing hot. _Is he suggesting what I think he is?_ Under the water, Vanyel laid a hand on his thigh. Against his will, he began to harden and flushed even redder. _I just don't want to push him—things have been so good lately- I'm not sure he's ready or even asking—_

"Is the water too hot?" Vanyel asked innocently.

"No," Stefen choked.

"You seem to be turning quite red, that's all." Vanyel smiled wickedly, running his hand up a bit higher.

_He is—he _does _want to. _Stefen smiled inwardly. _Well, now that I know what field we're playing on, I believe I've got the upper hand._

"You're right, I do feel quite hot," Stefen said, standing up to reveal his naked arousal. "I should probably get out of the water if I'm as red as you say."

Reaching up to take Stefen's hand, Vanyel pulled himself up. "Probably," he agreed. "We might both need to get out."

Looking down, Stefen smiled. Vanyel was as excited as he was. Quirking an eyebrow, he remarked, "You do seem to be just as overheated as I am. Maybe we should find a quiet place to cool down…"

"Our room is quite cool," Vanyel suggested, running his hand up Stefen's bare chest before turning to walk nude back to their chamber.

Taking a moment to admire the Herald's naked backside, Stefen followed, grinning a bit madly. _He's so lighthearted, so ready. Finally. I am _definitely _ready, but that was never in doubt. I'm just glad he's the one that initiated it._

Vanyel caught him at the archway to their bed with a deep kiss, pulling him close so their bodies pressed together. Feeling Vanyel's heartbeat against his chest, Stefen breathed, "I love you," into his ear. Pulling back, Vanyel looked deep into Stefen's eyes. "I love you so much, _ashke_." Tenderly he stroked the Bard's face before seeking his mouth again. This time, Stefen's hands wandered down Vanyel's back to grab his buttocks and press their bodies even closer together. Vanyel gasped as he felt Stefen's hardness against his thigh. The Herald returned his caresses more and more eagerly until they fell onto the bed together.

After a long bout of caresses and tenderness, Stefen hovered over Vanyel with a questioning look in his eye. "Do you want this to go further?"

"Yes," Vanyel replied, meeting his gaze. "Absolutely."

Seeing those clear, loving silver eyes free of any doubt, Stefen smiled and trailed kisses down Vanyel's body. When he arrived at his manhood, he took it slowly, deliberately, and entirely into his mouth. Softly, Vanyel moaned and half-closed his eyes.

Running his tongue along the underside of Vanyel's penis, he used his other hands to play gently with his balls and stroke his inner thighs. Once he started pumping him simultaneously, Vanyel's breathing began to quicken and his moans grew more and more heated.

"Gods—_ashke_—" he broke off as he came suddenly in Stefen's mouth with a ragged cry of pleasue. Stefen swallowed his seed before moving up to smile sweetly at Vanyel's relaxed, utterly happy expression.

"Come here, lover," Vanyel said roughly, pulling Stefen in for a kiss. Then, just as deliberately, he moved himself so that Stefen's arousal was right at his opening. "I want you inside me."

Surprised, Stefen pressed closer up to, but still not quite into, Vanyel. "If you're sure, Van. Anything you want."

"You. All of you," Vanyel replied.

Needing no further encouragement, Stefen slowly readied Vanyel, taking his time to do it exactly how Vanyel liked it. When he slid a second finger inside his lover, Vanyel gasped and breathed, "Stefen." Pausing, Stefen looked at him questioningly and Vanyel lifted himself so that Stefen's cock pushed just inside him. Gently, Stefen slid deeper and deeper into his lover, not bothering to quiet his moans of pleasure. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the pure feeling of closeness that he'd missed for so long.

When he came—a bit quicker than normal—he collapsed in ecstasy onto Vanyel, feeling more complete than he'd ever thought possible. Wrapping his arms around him, Vanyel murmured in his ear, "Thank you_._"

Stefen lifted himself up on one one arm to gaze down at his lover. "I should be thanking you, _ashke_," he said with a slight smile.

Vanyel chuckled. "I suppose." He snuggled into Stefen's embrace. "I meant, for waiting. For being so patient. For always being there if I needed you, even when I wasn't there for you."

Gently massaging Vanyel's back, Stefen replied, "I love you, Like I said before, I'll always be there for you."

He paused and a comfortable silence hung between them. He struggled to find the words to express what he wanted to say. "I know you sometimes think I do all the caring, Van, but that's just patently false. Before you, my life had no real meaning. I was just going through the motions, hoping for a court appointment or someone to notice me. I didn't understand any of those deeper meanings and motivations you taught me. Now? I actually feel like one person can make a difference in this world. You've given me a rich soul."

Vanyel turned to give him a penetrating look. "There is absolutely nothing you could have said that would mean more to me, Stef." His eyes warmed with affection to soft, burnished silver.

Feeling his own eyes begin to moisten, Stefen smiled to lighten the mood a bit. "It's that Bardic gift again—first the hands, now the words! Maybe this relationship _is_ lopsided…"

Vanyel hit him with a pillow.


End file.
